david: I don’t know, ma, I’m real nervous about this. This is GOLIATH. The real life Goliath. I don’t even know if he’s just a big guy or like a monster or something. why is it even freaking important?
momma david: you have to go. It is your destiny. But I don’t know why it is important. No one does. You have to do it today because you already missed too many days of school and your orthodontist appointment is coming up.
david: C’MON MA! Jeez! This is a big freakin’ deal. Goliath will probably kill me. Everybody knows that he is humongous and I am tiny. I’m just barely even a teenager.
momma david: you must go. it is simply the way it must be.
(a knowing pause)
momma david: do you have everything you need?
david: (sarcastic) yeah, here’s my gun, just strapped to my belt here….NO! I don’t have nothin’! what, am I supposed to fight him with my hands? pff! i’m thirteen.
momma david: you must go now. here is a rock with which to best him. go, now.
david: what, do i throw it at him? then what do i have after i throw it? jesus christ, see you in heaven after i die…
(david sulks out)
momma david: (to herself) who’s jesus christ?
fade to black
fade in
(david is walking in, super excited)
david: ma! MA! i did it! I killed him! it was totally easy. i just chucked the rock at him and he died. and he didn’t even kill me!
momma david: that’s great Dave, but didn’t you wear any clothes?
(david looks down)
david: oh jeez! I was so nervous…that I was naked the whole entire time!
Wah WAAAAAH. David! What are we gonna do with you?!!!
