Mister Understood

The problem with buying a pound of bacon is that you eat a pound of bacon.

100 calorie packs of pure pork lard. Perfect for on the go when you need a lil’ snack and aren’t in the mood for fake Oreos. If you can only exist in 100 calorie increments and you’re getting tired of the finite selection, this is the snack for you. Pop on in your mouth and [...]

Lately, there’s been much unrest in the sugar caddy communities at Cafe Verona, but a bittersweet ending has unfolded. Once beacons of utopian acceptance, the populations of these caddies divided years ago into vicious factions along color lines and otherwise. After years of pleasant naiveté, restaurant business declined and left sweeteners in the caddies long [...]

It’s too bad because as soon as I got my one-time-use time machine to work I went back to right before google went public so that I could buy a bunch of the stock and get filthy filthy rich. But I forgot to bring any money with me, so I couldn’t buy any of the [...]

Hey! Jesus! I got a question for ya. If you can do miracles so good, then why am I supposed to think that you carried that cross like a regular person? Huh? If you can do miracles and all–and you’d better be able to or what the heck good is it that you’re freakin’ Jesus [...]

After just 8 weeks with the AirStep200 Plus, I’ve lost 3 inches off of my calves, 5 inches off of my fingers, and 2 inches off of my toenails! THAT’S 9 INCHES–and it only takes 4 minutes a week! My belt has never fit better!

College used to just be for rich smart white people, but now it’s for everyone who says basically a lot. Only a few people get to go to actually good colleges though, and the colleges sure hope that it’s not all rich smart white people but sometimes it ends up being only them anyway. That [...]

I worry that after my wedding I will think that my wedding was so interesting and that I have so much great wedding material that I will only want to write wedding sticom pilots with titles like I Don’t and Holy Matrimony!.