As a result of many reasons including surprisingly adamant council from my wife, it was decided that I buy six beers from Trader Joe’s, for a total price of $2.99. That made each can only 49 cents–a paltry sum for twelve ounces of oat soda, especially in such a small quantity as six, and especially from an establishment known for selling European butter and water in bottles that say “Figi.”
The name of the beer was Simpler Times. Perhaps the brewer longed for the days when all one had do was worry about wagon axles and die before old-age. Or perhaps it was a warning that this product doesn’t abide by modern sanitation regulations.
The first time I tasted malt liquor, I expected a milkshake. Instead, it tasted of soda water mixed with cheap vodka mixed with vomit colored food coloring–for color and irony.
The first time I tasted “Simpler Times,” I expected malt liquor.
I was right.
In fact, a certain malt liquor, famous in many circles, was summonsed in my mind. Steel Reserve is the apex of malt liquor…cheap, disgusting, potent, has lots of stupid writing on the label explaining the brewing process. If you’re cool, you just call it “Steel,” but I usually call it “Are You Tired of Having Dignity?”
So, tired of dignity, I flipped my empty tan can into the recycling, and thought it only prudent to crack another, and reminisce about simpler times. Five, to be exact.
This is truly a heartfelt moment artisticly crafted by a professional at the top of his game. Please give us the screen play and lets share this epic story with the world on the big screen. How much of this creative gem comes from the writer creative juices vs. the fleeting moments of clarity and confidence temporarily induced by “Simpler Times”.
The closing of this piece is GRAND!
When do we get a sequel?