Mister Understood

A good way to make a cool rapper name for yourself is to put the word “Money” after your name, but it doesn’t work too good if your name is “Don’t Got No.” A good way to make a cool DJ name is to put “DJ” in front of anything.

I’m trying to say “Quit frontin’!” only twice a day, but I’ll tell you, it’s tough.

To name your kid “Beluga” is cute and clever for a few years, but it starts getting pretty old when they turn 35.

Today I went to the gynecologist. She was very overweight and this is what I said: “What the heck are ya?! An Obese-G-Y-N?!”

customer: is this chocolate? me: yes. customer: mmm. chocolate. (she puts chocolate powder on her cappuccino.) (a draft makes some fall onto the counter.) customer: oh. i’m getting it all over the counter. me: that’s okay, the counter loves it. (no response) me: this counter, it always says to me, “I’m such a chocoholic!” (no [...]

This thing right here is lettin’ all the ladies know What guys talk about, you know? The finer things in life– hahaha Check it out. Ooh dat dress so scandalous and ya know another n’ couldn’t handle it, see ya shakin’ that thang like who’s da ish with a look in ya eye so devilish [...]

There’s a new movie. It’s a sequel. It’s called “14 going on 31.” It explores the same types of things that its predecessor did, namely Jennifer Garner’s acting range. Also, there is a new sequel called “17 Again.” “Again” is in italics. Zac Efron lived 20 years then got sent back to high school, and [...]

This is taken from a Variety review of R. Kelly’s 11/5 concert at LA’s Nokia Theater: “Most jaw-dropping were Kelly’s sung instructions to his stagehands–’Somebody move this goddamn rug/I almost tripped three times’–which he repeated with increasingly soulfulness until one nearly forgot that it was not, strictly speaking, an actual song.”

Bumper sticker idea: “My other car is a…shoot. I thought I could think of a punchline in the time that it took me to set up the joke, but the setup didn’t take very long a’tall. There’s no joke. My bad.”

I parked the car in Harvard parking lot.