Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


September 18, 2010

Why does the whole group home break into tears when a corn pops commercial comes on?


September 17, 2010

“Take no prisoners” isn’t such an intimidating motto if you’re a jailer.


September 17, 2010

Yesterday I gave a touching speech at a Visine conference. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.


September 8, 2010

Thomas Edison said that success is 10 percent inspiration and 90 percent perspiration. I’ve found that screenwriting is similar, but a little bit different, in that it’s 10 percent perspiration and 90 percent looking at facebook.

De-improving society
September 3, 2010

I like to find someone on the street who has a sign that says “FREE HUGS,” go up next to them and pull out my sign that says “FREE DISEASES.” The fine print on my sign says: (Only figuratively free. You have to pay by having an unpleasant disease and dying and an untimely death.) [...]

E! News presents: Behind the scenes!
August 25, 2010

The phrase “grown-ass-man” has always tickled me, and I’ve used it more times than I care to count. I thought it would be a funny visual to see a picture of a man who’s actual head was a human butt…hence a grown “ass-man.” Not wanting to tackle the photoshoot or photoshop myself, I went to [...]

If I was president (of Haiti)
August 22, 2010

Wyclef Jean: “I’m gonna be president of Haiti!” Haiti: “No you’re not.”


August 8, 2010

Here’s an old picture of NWA. Everyone has a hat on, Dr. Dre’s got a Dodger’s hat on, others have hats of their own favorite teams. Except for Ice Cube.


August 6, 2010

The check engine light is on. Whew. Engine: check. Let’s go!

A little poison.
August 2, 2010

Like I always say, always bring a gun to a knife-fight. And also bring a little poison, in case you work it out and decide to have dinner together later.

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