Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


March 12, 2010

You’re so modest, you probably think this song isn’t about you.

The second coming of the blog
March 9, 2010

Black bears and grizzly bears are different. When you see a black bear, steer clear. If you leave them alone, they will not bother you. When you see a grizzly bear, on the other hand, a lot of people say that it is best to be loud and aggressive in order to intimidate it. Otherwise, [...]


January 9, 2010

For ultra thin penises.

Why Mom! You look so nice today!
January 7, 2010

Let me tell you this: When you get edible and Oedipal mixed up, it’s confusing when someone is trying to get you to try a berry they found in the woods.

Of mice and meth
January 4, 2010

Whenever I am at an Asheville bowling alley late at night, I get the distinct feeling that I am going to be murdered or stabbed or both. Suddenly, every bowler has a dull evil look in his eye and closes in on me. It snaps into a zombie movie but instead of zombies, they are [...]


December 26, 2009

Lemons are good for restaurant waters because it looks less suspicious when there’s something floating in there, it might be pulp, but it’d be a whole lot better if lemons looked more like fruit flies or dirt.

more rhyming..A story with a twist!
December 23, 2009

(Over steaming hot chocolate, an ex-couple sits across from each other in an intimate corner of an intimate coffee shop. They haven’t seen each other in years; it seems that feelings are still there.) (A moment of lovely and surprisingly comfortable silence passes.) girl: I miss this. boy: I miss this too. girl: Oh, I [...]

First day of class at the Katmandoo Voodoo Schoo(l)
December 23, 2009

popular kid: you don’t do voodoo?! unpopular kid: no! I do do voodoo!


December 17, 2009

It’s a bad sign when a haircut makes you look much younger and like your hairline is receding.


December 15, 2009

Here’s the way to have a guilt free holiday feast: don’t murder anyone before!