Mister Understood

Logic insult humor

jakenp — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 21:07:58 +0000

yo mamma is so FAT…

because she eats too much and doesn’t exercise.

jakenp — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 05:58:05 +0000

I called up the witch doctor and this is what he said: Stop calling me! Everyone’s fucking always calling me!

Insult humor for orphans

jakenp — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 22:32:42 +0000

Yo legal guardian is SO POOR…

that they only foster you so that they can get the monthly stipend from the government!

A letter

jakenp — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 22:29:04 +0000

Dear completely naked old man in the L.A. Fitness locker room drying the deepest, darkest corner of his buttcrack right out in the open,

Do you have to grunt, too?

Sincerely,

Jake Palas

P.S. Why don’t you have any pubic hair?

jakenp — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 21:30:29 +0000

If his name had been Hilanthropist Lecter, would he have chosen philanthropy instead of eating people?

I’M BACK! by popular apathy

jakenp — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 19:01:19 +0000

You say, “jump,” I say, “how high would you like me to jump?”

Why do bad things always happen to ME?!

jakenp — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 19:40:10 +0000

some girls like the bad boys,

but i always find myself going for the horrible men

jakenp — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 18:26:15 +0000

It’s true that actions speak louder than words, but I’ve found that yelling is one of the loudest actions you can do.

Everyone! We need to be civil! BE CIVIL! CIVIL, GODDAMNIT BEFORE I WHIP YOUR ASS!!!

Super Disco Breakin’

jakenp — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 21:02:07 +0000

I’ve always wondered what, exactly, the Beastie Boys lyric, “Well, it’s 50 cups of coffee and you know it’s on,” meant.

I thought maybe, “it” was writing a last minute term paper, or maybe “it” was getting an early start on a big day of errands.

But now I see that 50 cups is just too high a number to be practical for these ends. I’m not close to 50 yet today, but closer than I’ve been before. And it struck me:

“It” really refers to diarrhea. It’s diarrhea that’s on. Until the break of break of dawn.

jakenp — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 05:04:53 +0000

The good thing about dating a person who has emphysema is that, at least when they say that you take their breath away, you know they are telling the truth.